All poems are under the my copyright. They may not be used without permission.

May contain MATURE content. Reader Discretion Advised.

Usually write free verse poems, usually tapping into the horror madness & grief areas. What can I say - I haz pain and poetry is very healthy outlet for it.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Piece of Me

Roiling through my skull
Fierce, viral, abusing, contaminating
Echoes cleaved into screams
Militant fantasies emerge just as swiftly

Here I stand so still
The only tell a clenched fist
Unaccustomed to treachery
Despite fully knowing it's sting

Nowhere for it to go
In some other world
I've unleashed apocalyptic destruction
Pray it never ripples back

Skin crawling
Cold hatred takes form
Stalking ever forward
How it wants a piece of me

Lingering acid tastes
Comatose optimism
Dark shadows dance
Fire licking up the sides

A scream I mistook for mine
Shatters the silence of this night
Claws hastening to my throat
I merely give a little smile

© Christina Nabity
Written August 15, 2011

[7/5/2016 - In December 2012, someone said to me about this poem something like "wow a lot of self torture going on here" followed by a compliment.
So I feel the need to mention - I avoid engaging in self-torture as much as possible, poetry is an incredibly healthy outlet for dealing with emotional pain, life turmoil and even PTSD if you are handling it in a mindful and therapeutic way. It's weird when people put spins like that on my work or words, most artists or writers probably feel that weird about it. I do have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or C-PTSD, as the source was not a single event but rather chronic events). My poetic endeavors are not just a great writing exercise and warm-up, but also a way to cope with everything I have been through and go through converting it into creative energy in a very healing way. Best believe any time I catch my PTSD trying to initiate a self-torture session I do everything in my power to gently ease the flashbacks off my "nuts" and cut the ruminating off at the kneecaps (as the rumination is directly initiated by the flashbacks). Actively engaging in self-torture is VERY different than suffering from severe PTSD and seeking means to heal and  disarm the horrors involved in having PTSD, as it is the damage from the trauma initiating self torture and the trigger & initialization stage of it is not self torture, self torture would start somewhere after the mechanics of the mind initiate the rumination sequence if the person does not or cannot find a way to disarm the sequence at the right time. And certainly it is not self- torture to experience fresh trauma in a new moment that is traumatizing you, which in turn deepens existing trauma from prior instances of being traumatized by something,
I have always been a mindful person with a solid memory, very spiritual, & I absolutely do not shy away from painful memories when they pop in as flashbacks as I have learned the only way I can heal from the traumas I've been through is to face them & examine them  and allow myself to have genuine honest emotions then use it for fuel for my writing & art, then push it into creative outlets in a healing process.

Honestly, I don't really understand people, as I only have inside my head and the way they treat me to go by. And pretty sure I'm on the autism spectrum. Do people do self torture a lot? Do they hide from the bad memories instead of stare them down when they show up uninvited? That does seem to be the message people are giving me.

This poem is about very real traumatizing events in my life and my refusal to surrender my spirit to it, because I am not a victim I am a warrior. I have always been a warrior. As a warrior I have the wisdom to know I am not allowed to simply skullpunch everyone who is traumatizing me, cuz the laws in this country are set up to protect, well frankly, people who aren't me, a very unique individual. This poem is about perseverance in the face of opposition, about smothered innocence, and about the things that the imagination unleashes out into the ether bound to take form somewhere regardless of kind intent.]

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